Kiefer Sutherland Is My New Boyfriend
Best known for his sinister voice and the creepy roles he played in the early '80s and '90s, Kiefer Sutherland seems an unlikely choice to play television’s ultimate hero. By
Trevor Thompson Jan 25, 2006
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m making a mistake, marrying my fiancée. After all, isn’t she supposed to know me better than anyone? Know my likes and dislikes, my fancies, my favorite foods? That’s my assumption. And yet, what am I supposed to make of her comment last night during a television advertisement for Pierce Brosnan’s new movie, The Matador?
“Look, honey, there’s your boyfriend.”
I gave her a look that said, “You are crazy, woman.” Pierce Brosnan is not my boyfriend. Kiefer Sutherland is my boyfriend. It used to be Pierce, but now it’s Kiefer. I am absolutely bonkers over him. Well, maybe not over Kiefer himself, but definitely his alter ego, Jack Bauer. That guy is my friggin’ hero. I think a posting by a girl named “Lisa” on a Kiefer Sutherland fan site best described the way I feel about him.
“He has a way of turning me into a squeeeeeing fangirl every time I catch a glimpse of him . . . My collection of his pictures are my screensaver. I like Jack and wouldn’t exactly mind being kidnapped if I knew he’d save me!”
Of course he would save her. Anybody who has watched even one episode out of the last four seasons of the hit TV show 24 knows Jack Bauer is the man. He can kick butt like Chuck Norris, squirrel out of traps like Houdini, and solve mysteries like Sherlock Holmes. One of my favorite moves was when (Season 1, I think) he had his hands cuffed behind his back and to free himself, he did a backwards somersault, slid the cuffs over his butt, and one second later, his hands were in front – time to kick some terrorist tail!
Everything about him is amazing. Especially his voice. That whispery rumble. It can turn on a dime, soothing as your favorite blanket at one moment, then growling like a monster truck the next. His voice is key to his performance. Ever notice he’s almost always on the cell phone talking to people? All his costars love to hear him talk. It makes them feel safe. He’s really handy with the cell phone, too. I’ve never seen a guy use a cell phone to do the things he does. Why, just last week he had one of his coworkers set his cell phone frequency to the same frequency as a bomb detonator so he could blow up one of the terrorists. Very impressive. I can’t even figure out how to download a ringtone.
And talk about multi-tasking. He’s on the phone almost the entire episode, switching calls, tapping calls, holding for the president, and at the same time he’s driving in car chases or shooting at people - and he never ever drops a call. His coworkers at CTU are also skilled with the phones. “Transfer the call to my office,” is one of the most oft-spoken lines in 24, and the call is always transferred successfully – even when the call needs to be transferred from a normal phone to video-conferencing equipment. Anyone who has worked in an office knows how hard it is to transfer calls. In fact, it may be one of the most unbelievable aspects of the show.
Actually, the most unbelievable aspect of the show is how good Kiefer Sutherland is at playing Jack Bauer. Before 24 came on the air, the Kiefer Sutherland I knew was not somebody I’d trust to save the president’s life. More likely, he’d be the person trying to take it. I’d sooner expect to see John Malkovich cast. So often the characters Kiefer plays are creepy and sneering, from movies like Stand By Me, Lost Boys and Bright Lights, Big City. Let’s not forget the white supremacist he plays in A Time to Kill or his really nasty pedophilic serial-killer character in Freeway. It’s those beady eyes, that Joker-like grin, and most especially, that raspy voice.
Occasionally, he plays a hero, such as Doc in Young Guns or Athos in The Three Musketeers, but his characters aren’t brazen, alpha-male characters like Bauer; they are poetic, sensitive types. And those movies were over 10 years ago. Since the early '90s, he hasn’t been in anything notable. His last stint of publicity was his paparazzi-fueled breakup with Julia Roberts, when she ran off with his then best friend and Lost Boys co-star, Jason Patrick. After that, he virtually disappeared.
So how did he get tapped to play super agent Jack Bauer? Part of it may have to do with how he spent his time when he was off the Hollywood radar. Rodeo. Disillusioned with the grueling celebrity life (Kiefer once compared Hollywood to Las Vegas – eventually you lose), he decided to capitalize on the skills he developed during his hours in the saddle filming Young Guns. He bought a ranch near Santa Barbara, some horses, saddles, a few tractors, and a truck and trailer. Gather the ingredients, add water, and presto! Instant rodeo.
It may have been a quick transition from Hollywood Brat Pack member to rodeo circuit rider, but Kiefer stuck with it for several years. “It was a lot of fun,” he commented in an interview. “I drove all over the country and I felt like a tough guy.” And that’s what he needed, some toughness. The years on the circuit were good for him. All the rope, the dirt, the leather and the sweat enveloped him in a cocoon, insulating him from the crushing glare of the paparazzi. When he emerged four years later, a true metamorphoses had occurred. No longer was Kiefer Sutherland an actor fit to play only druggies, vampires or poetic cowboys. Now he was ready to play the toughest guy on the planet in a new series that critics described as "the best television show ever on television and the only thing anybody should ever watch ever, ever again.”
All his qualities are still in evidence. The sneer, the voice, the beady eyes. But the years on the circuit have altered their effect. The sneer no longer suggests the conceit of a bratty young celebrity, but instead an acceptance of pain, most likely developed from the countless times he was thrown off the back of bucking broncos. His voice, once used to frighten, is now laced with the soothing tones he surely developed from calming his horses before a cow run. And those beady eyes, once glittering with menace, now have crows feet around them from hours of squinting under the hot desert sun. Those eyes very effectively convey the stress of staying up for 24 hours straight while fighting terrorists without a bathroom break. As Jack Bauer, he is incredibly convincing, so much so that he won a Golden Globe in 2001 and as been nominated every year since.
Personally, I like this new version of Kiefer and don’t care to see the old version ever again. Unfortunately, in the two high-profile movies he’s been in since regaining popularity with 24, he’s back to his old, creepy ways. First there was the psychopathic sniper in Phone Booth, and then the sinister gay lover in Taking Lives. Apparently, there is an innate menace in Kiefer Sutherland that compels directors and producers to cast him in these roles. I suppose that is what made him famous in the first place.
The good news is Kiefer will only be in demand for roles – any role, whether villainous or not – as long as he retains a high profile as Jack Bauer. There’s even talk of developing a movie version of 24. How great would that be? Imagine seeing his face on a huge theater screen and hearing his awesome voice reverberating from the Dolby Digital speakers. Pure bliss.
So as long as Kiefer Sutherland is Jack Bauer, he will remain my boyfriend. And like any understanding companion, I will do my best to understand when he strays and dabbles in other roles.
